Let's try this again...

I've felt so disconnected lately, so detached from the beautiful moments of my daily life. My father-in-law has cancer, I blame that for my lack of presence in my household. My partner is stressed, the mood of the house rises and falls in a shift of stress and emotions and I...well I disappear. I'm famous for this really, detaching. it was a survival mechanisim at one point and now it's something I don't know how to turn off. I don't know how to get back. I'm going to try writing more again, it seems to ground me.
I have this tattered, smoke damaged picture of my mother I keep face down in a frame on the shelf in my bedroom. I keep it face down because I wouldn't want to be caught off guard by her eyes. I do pick it up from time to time though, ask her things, try to find pieces of myself in her face and to pray. I have it upright now, staring out at me every time I go into the bedroom, a reminder to be here in this life, to stay present.
I'm lucky to be here, lucky to be living this life. Lucky to have to only make effort to stay present. She doesn't get that oppurtunity anymore. I hope seeing her face every day makes a difference.