Thoughts on Halloween

My little Vampire And my little cowboy

There is a tiny actress who lays curled up at the bottom of my heart. She's so small in comparison to the mother, the friend, the saboteur that she's rarely given a chance to rise up and play an active role in my life. Halloween has always been the one day I celebrate her, honor her and let her rise above all of the other clutter I carry within.October is my favorite month. It's like a month of foreplay with that inner actress. In the past I would start dreaming of costumes as early as August.

One year when I was thirteen I dressed as a pregnant, dead bride. I wore my mom's old wedding dress. She never seemed to care about it and had given it to me months before. I think I wore vampire fangs with that costume too, just because I like the way it felt when I slid my tongue back and forth across the little plastic points. In fact, I liked fangs so much that I dressed as a vampire on several Halloweens. It always seemed to make my costumes better. Sure, I could be a clown, but wouldn't it be better if I were a vampire clown?!! When I bought my fangs, I'd never get cheapy plastic molds that covered all of my teeth. I wanted the real deal, so instead I'd buy the fangs that came in a black, coffin shaped jewelry box. Inside two pearly fangs rested on top of a silky pillow, with paste to attach them to my teeth stored underneath. I think those fangs were about fifteen dollars, a good portion of my twenty dollar a week allowance. They were worth it though. I'd buy them again today if given an oppurtunity to dress up.

I wanted to dress up as a princess a couple of different times as a little girl, but that wasn't viewed as creative enough for my household. One year my mom agreed to the princess costume, but to make it more creative she stuck a big, sparkly white horse body on the princess pants. I remember feeling very impressed with that. It reminds me of the vampire clown theory. I wasn't just a princess, I was a "princess riding a horse." My favorite costume I've worn so far as an adult was little red riding hood. I wore a sexy little dress with thigh-high stockings and of course a hooded, red cape. I filled a basket with Halloween candy, covered it with a checker patterned cloth and passed treats out to all the drunks at our local gay bar. By the end of the night I'd had so many drinks bought for me, I'd danced with so many strangers that I had become one of the drunks. It was actually a pretty fun night, certainly memorable. These days I love dressing up the boys and taking them trick-or-treating, but that actress is still inside of me craving release.