Remembering a time when I was alone~

I was alone for about thirty minutes after giving birth to Jace. They moved me from the labor and delivery room to the room I was to spend the next twenty-four hours in. They kept Jace in the room he was born in longer to do whatever tests they do on new little babies. Michelle and Abby had left for the grocery store to get me some food. I'm always starving after I give birth, it's as if my body is instantly trying to replace the missing weight of the baby. Michelle's mom June stayed with Jace while the doctor's looked him over. It's her fondest memory of the whole birth. She gets these big smiles and her eyes light up whenever she tells anyone about those thirty minutes. "It was just me and him and he looked right into my eyes! I told him, Welcome to my world." Then she laughs her big belly laugh. So pleased with herself.

I was alone. Those thirty minutes were pure hell for me. Being away from my baby those first minutes drew out something primal in me. I could have climbed out of my skin with all the anxiety I felt. Where was my baby? What was taking them so long? I wanted to be able to see him, have more time to memorize his face. I still feel in the core of my being that it's wrong to take a new baby away from it's mother. That experience would make me choose to have a home birth if only we lived closer to a hospital.

Michelle and Abby made it back to me before Jace. "Where's the baby?" they asked.

"I don't know. He's been gone FOREVER!" I snapped.

Michelle went out of the room and like a hero came back moments later, pushing Jace's bassinet in front of her with her mom following close behind. "They kept him too long." I complained.

"Oh don't be ridiculous, they did not." June said with irritation, just dismissing my feelings. At that moment, I'd have given anything to kick that woman out of the room. A part of me wishes she hadn't had been there for the birth. She came with a cold, for crying out loud! She spins the story so it's all about her, her saving the day, her grandson. Every story she tells is the same. It's as if I wasn't even present for Jace's birth and if I was it was only to annoy her. If there's a next time, another birth. It WILL be different.